You Can Still Run
by yayme2012
Summary: Jacob’s been waiting for this call. He knew she would have to be changed. He knew it. Once the girl he loves is changed, how will he deal with it? Oneshot. Originally a contest entry.


_**Summary: Jacob's been waiting for this call. He knew she would have to be changed. He knew it. Once the girl he loves is changed, how will he deal with it? Oneshot. Originally a contest entry.**_

_**A/N: Originally written for the In His Shoes contest on the Twilight Challenge forum, but the rules changed, and I decided to go a different direction with this. News: Still working on Predator and Prey, All Over Again, Bad Fanfiction, all that good stuff. First oneshot in a while. I'm actually semi-proud of this.**_

_**Warning: So much angst you'll poke your eye out. 3 pages and 1,374 words, in fact.**_

_**Disclaimer: Would Steph ever write something this angsty? Me thinks not.**_

**You Can Still Run**

_No roof overhead_

_But you can sleep under stars_

_That aching in the heart of town_

_You watched everything you had go down_

_It sank so fast, it made no sound._

_There's still blood in your veins_

_And a history in scars_

_It's thirty miles to the state line_

_But you can still run that far._

_Felt a chill run through,_

_Like it had never seen the sun_

_But you still got your will_

_And you can still run._

_-The One AM Radio, You Can Still Run_

Three days.

It had been three days. It was hard to imagine, it really was, that it had been three days since the unholy union. How did they even dare to even perform the ceremony in a house of God? Did they have to go outside to do it?

Questions swam through my mind, and my conscious treaded between the dangerous ideas, circling like so many hungry sharks, ready to bite. They should have called by now, that much I knew. If she was still- well, not alive, but still…

It was better not to think, I decided. And I had tried. I curled up on my too-small bed, in my too-small room. Billy had been sympathetic since my return less than a week ago, but I still had my regrets. I should have stayed away. To be so close to all of them- the pack- who knew what was going on while I faked being tired. I wanted to go out, to do _something_. I attempted to block it out, and drifted off to an uneasy rest…

Voices woke me. Was there a visitor? No, no, there was no sound of footsteps or chatter. I soon identified the two voices- the low, ancient voice of my father and a muffled, smooth voice, far away as if over the phone. I could only catch half the conversation, which was annoying.

"No, he's not here right now." So it was someone I knew. And someone Billy didn't want me talking to. I could hear that in his guarded tone.

"Thank you so much for calling us." But Billy didn't sound thankful. The voice on the other end continued.

"Oh, I see."

A pause. I strained my ears to hear through the paper-thin walls.

"We still have to talk to Sam about that."

Sam? Pack business, then. Who would… my groggy mind attempted to put the few sentences together in a way that would make sense.

"No. No. I don't think that would be possible."

The voice grew more pleading. Billy muttered something unintelligible, and the caller's voice rang out angrily.

"Why not? You just broke the treaty. And I'll be damned if she comes down to-"

Everything became clear in a burst of intuition. She was changed. There was no turning back now. She was the enemy, someone I dreamed of killing. I sat up too quickly and fell off the bed with a thud. But I felt nothing, my insides ripped out mercilessly by cruel hearts. A numbness came over me.

My father stopped talking. He must have heard my noise. I pushed the covers back and yawned loudly, even fake-sounding in my own ears. I could hear Billy scrambling for an excuse to get off the phone.

"Listen, he's getting up now, so-"

I walked into the kitchen and, ignoring him, grabbed some orange juice from the fridge. I poured a hefty glass and headed back to my room. Maybe Billy wouldn't feel obligated to tell me, and we could just pretend that I never heard anything. I could continue to fake normality or ordinary teen heartbreak for weeks at best. What would happen after that, though? After the pack and my oblivious father reached past the simple conclusion that it was "just a crush"? That I would realize it wasn't meant to be?

It was meant to be, but no one realized it. I turned back towards my place of darkness, dampness, and depression.

But he turned and held the phone out to me. His eyes pleaded with mine. I sighed audibly and took the phone.

"Hello?"

"This is Doctor Cullen." He sounded oddly cheerful for announcing the half-death of the girl I love.

"Mmhmm." Billy looked surprised at how calm I was being- I should be shaking by now. Wasn't I angry? I could almost see the thoughts spelled out on his face and I shrugged. It wasn't calmness at all. Even if it was, it was just the calm before the storm. Hopefully the storm would never come.

"Well, the change went through with no complications." I tuned out the rest of his medical jargon. The less I heard, the better.

"Is that it?" I interrupted him. I needed to retreat back to my room, _now_.

"Wait one second," and the volume was muffled. "Bella! Jacob's on the phone!" he called out, and I heard near-silent footsteps. This was bad. Very bad. I should drop the phone right now. All I could do was stand perfectly still in shock.

"Hello?" Her voice was even more heavenly than before. It was the cold, harsh sound of metal jangling together in beautiful harmony. An angel made of ice, or maybe crystal. Dreams of God, written on paper of gold, played on keys of ivory. I didn't make a single sound. The phone fell from my hand and bounced against the counter, stretching against its tether, the only noise in the room. And for the first time since coming home, I could feel _real_ emotion, bursting through my careful facade.

I started hyperventilating, grabbing at the counter. There didn't seem to be enough air in the room, a calm, far-away part of my brain observed. I crumpled in pain. The phone buzzed, "Jacob? Jacob? Are you there?" I could see my father reaching for me in silent horror.

And then I was running.

My feet pounded against the ground as if maybe, maybe if I ran far enough away, this would all go away. But the new Bella taunted me from behind my eyes. The calls of the pack in my mind echoed till it was all a meaningless blur.

I'm not sure how far I ran, or for how long. I leapt over boulders, over fallen logs, never leaving the safety of the cool green forest. I thought a saw a clearing once- she had told me of her meadow- and I ran away from it. Surely I could find a place that didn't remind me of her.

I was not Jacob Black. I was an animal. A darker, more depressing misery than before. Before, she at least had a chance at redemption, we at least had a chance, but she had to go and throw it away why did she have to do that and now she could never come back…

My thoughts ran together as the rain did, pooling beneath trees. I splashed through the puddles. I could not stop. I could not think. No, no, no, no…

And I could not go back, either. I couldn't stand the look in their eyes when I slunk back home. Like it was something to be ashamed of. If someone happened to ask about me, they would no doubt reply, 

"Jacob? Well, you see, he was in love with this girl, Bella, and…" And if they perhaps asked what became of me, the standard reply would be a shrug, perhaps a wince.

It was not just wounded pride, though that was part of it. No. This could not be. This wasn't happening. I repeated this mantra over and over, though her face was _still_ there, staring with a smile…

These thoughts made my head pound. I felt no pain outside my mind. My thoughts must be the problem. Why won't they go away?

It was not until my paws ached and my eyes begged for sleep until I ceased motion. Wearily, I came to rest at the foot of a tree. Yes, I decided, this was a very nice tree, good for misery. The minute my head hit the ground, I succumbed to a deep sleep, hoping that in the morning I could continue running.

That was the first night I dreamed of Bella Cullen. Cold, hard, and sparkling, with haunting scarlet eyes.


End file.
